Tuesday, July 29, 2008

I Am Okay; I Can Make Healthy Choices

I threw up my hands in disgust over this weight loss business months ago, but I had started before that. College was so busy that I had little time to devote to my health. After I joined my local hospital’s physician-monitored weight loss program I started gaining weight. Knowing full well that I needed to see someone about why I ate, I attempted to schedule with the program’s psychologist. She was only available two hours during lunch on some days and I was a full time student, still am. The more I saw the dietician, who simply kept telling me not to eat so much, the more I ate. Join a weight loss center and gain weight.

Screw that! This summer my noontime schedule opened up. So I signed back up, making my first schedule with the psychologist. I am feeling much better and this go around is going better. I’m still gaining weight in the program, but I am making better choices. I’ve gained some muscle from walking 5 days a week, but I am unconcerned. I know that sounds weird, but I am making better food choices, making some progress, so I am keeping focused on that and not on what others do.

The work I am doing is easy and mostly common sense. It’s not easy in the sense that I just eat salads and don’t feel hungry, but it is not difficult to understand. I am taking baby steps, teeny tiny baby steps. I could wonder about what I am actually paying her for as she gives me mantras to say and things to think about. It seems silly at times, but the thing that I recognize, is that I keep an open mind and I am finding that her simple exercise actually work. So I let the silly feelings go and do what she asks me to do.

Mantra 1: I’m okay
Mantra 2: I can make healthy choices.

Before I ever go into a place to eat, or anytime I f eel hunger pangs, I recite these simple phrases to myself. I am okay. When I feel anxious or irritated or upset, which can happen if I get hungry, then I remind myself that I am okay. I will eat when I need to. Everything is okay.

Simple though it may be, it works and I am feeling like I am gaining some control over my eating. I still feel hungry, but I try to mantra’s and they sometimes work. Yesterday I had a salad and soup for lunch. It was good and I enjoyed it. Baby steps, my friends.

This week I am supposed to think about the difference between real hunger and psychological hunger. This is real chore for me as I struggle to differentiate between the two. They feel the same. I am allowing myself to feel hungry then reflecting on that hunger. Is it real or psychological? Am I really hungry? Is this what real hunger feels like?

Making progress.