Friday, January 05, 2007

What's Wrong with Fit Jack or Thin Jack?

Many don’t understand what it means to be a fat guy inside, regardless what the outer layer appears to be: skinny or fat. It’s an elusive thing I suppose for a lot of folks. One friend understands it. He called me the other day to say that he knows what it means to relate to an inner BIGness. I am a BIG guy and that is how I related and see myself. It has less to do with my physical size and more to do with my sense of self.

I had a blog comment from someone who has battled with bulimia. She wrote to discuss my blog and introduce me to a program that she thought would help me lose weight. At the end of the post she nicely suggested I change my name to Fit Jack or Thin Jack. Her thinking was that negative energy can consume us and that in order to make change we must change our minds as well as our eating habits. She didn’t say it like that, but I think I am representing her point fairly.

I don’t disagree that our minds are powerful and we must utilize them in order to help us overcome our fears, anxiety and internal struggles. I also agree that negative energy input will reap negative results. That is where our viewpoints split.

FAT JACK is not negative in my mind. I don’t see the moniker as a symbolic reflection of my own poor self-image. I see it quite the opposite, in fact. For me, embracing my BIGness is a part of the healing and self-acceptance. Saying the name out loud allows me to be free from the harsh name-calling. It allows me to take the power of the word “FAT” back from those who would use it against me. It is my word now, you bastards, and I own it. You can call me fat all you want, but you might as well call the sun a big hot object, because all you do is state the obvious. The sky is blue, it’s bad luck to break a mirror, when Momma ain’t happy ain’t nobody happy, and FAT don’t mean a thing anymore.

To that end, I have been thinking about all the nasty names that the world uses to describe the fat community. It sounds odd and self-deprecating to skinny folks -- and to some fat folks too as far as that goes -- for me to make a list of the names that have so long been used to punish big people. But it is cathartic for me, healing in some respect, to do so. As part of accepting myself for who I am I offer you the:

  • Alabama Swamp Sow
  • Aisle Blocker
  • Apple Bottom
  • Beast
  • Beafy Tits
  • BIG
  • Big Boned
  • Big-and-Wide
  • Big Foot
  • Big Mac
  • BMI (Body Mass Index)
  • Blob
  • Blubber Butt
  • Biscuit Butt
  • Boulder
  • Breast Boy
  • Buddha
  • Buffet
  • Butterball
  • Caterpillar
  • Chair crusher
  • Chef Boyardee
  • Chick Tits
  • Chubby
  • Chunk
  • Couch Potato
  • Count Fatula
  • Cow
  • Crisco Kid
  • Curves
  • Dough Boy
  • Donut
  • Double wide
  • Earthmover
  • Elephant
  • Fat
  • Fat Ass
  • Fat Fuck
  • Fatty-Fatty, Two-by-Four, Can’t Get Through an Open Door
  • Fat Bastard
  • Fat and Farty
  • Fat Slob
  • Fatso
  • Fat Blob
  • Fatty
  • Fat Albert
  • Flabulous
  • Free Willy
  • Fridge
  • Fork Lift (as in it would take a fork lift to move you)
  • GDP (Gross Domestic Product)
  • Grass Eater
  • Grease Trap
  • Gross weight
  • Heifer
  • House Cow
  • Hindenburg
  • Hippo
  • Hipporind Graser
  • Hog
  • Human Garbage Disposal
  • Hungry
  • Hungry, Hungry Hippo
  • Husky
  • Jenny Craig
  • Jello
  • Jelly Roll
  • Jiggles
  • Jupiter
  • Lane Bryant
  • Large
  • Lard Ass
  • Lard Lad
  • Lard-O
  • Loin of Beef
  • Lord of the Fries
  • Love Handles
  • Lumpy
  • McButter Pants
  • McFatterson
  • Man Boobs
  • Manitee
  • Muffin Top
  • Obese
  • Overweight
  • Pear
  • Pot Belly
  • Pizza Dough
  • Pig
  • Plus Size
  • Porkbeast
  • Pork Butt
  • Pork Roast
  • Pork Loin
  • Porky Pig
  • Prader-Willi
  • Pudgy
  • Refrigerator
  • Robust
  • Rumpapotimus
  • Sasquatch
  • Slop Gobbler
  • Snuffleupagus
  • Solid
  • Spoon and fork operator
  • Sumo
  • Sweat Factory
  • Sweat Hog
  • Slob
  • Sir Cumference
  • Thunder Thighs
  • Titanic
  • Triple Chin
  • Two Ton
  • Ton of Fun
  • Tree Trunk
  • Tubby
  • Tub-of-Lard (Tub-O-Lard)
  • Tuba Luba
  • Walking Smorgasbord
  • Walrus
  • Warthog
  • Whale
  • Weight Watchers
  • Wide load
  • Vast
  • Von Flabbernoodle
  • Yetti

It should be understood that many people will mixed and match these words to create new and interesting versions. Also kids will use alliteration to put the persons name in front of one of these names. Following are some examples:

  • Slop-gobbling Warthog
  • Fatty McButtter Pants
  • Mary Manitee
  • Hungry, Hungry Harold
  • Jennifer Jiggles
  • Lard Lad Larry
  • Sally Von Flabbernoodle

I am not losing weight so that I can finally be skinny and happy. There are some who feel that way but it is not me. I am losing weight because my weight is affecting my health and in order to live longer, spend years with my family, I have to lose some pounds – a lot of pounds actually. In order to achieve better health, I could stand to lose 100 pounds or more. But the skinny part, that scares me BIG and plenty. I don’t identify with skinniness, but I can learn to be skinny on the outside and BIG on the inside.

The name FAT JACK has more than a ring to it. It’s about understanding that I am at times powerless against my own body. In order to obtain my goals for my body, I must accept that I am not in control of my own bones. There’s nothing wrong with Fit Jack or Thin Jack, except for me it is a label – a self-identity – that is foreign to me. I don’t know who Thin Jack is. It’s not me. Skinny or not, I am the same person. I don’t change just because my size does. It’s not related to my size so much as it is to my soul. I don’t know if it’s that way for everyone, but it is for me. I am FAT JACK and I am happy as Hell to take the name and wear the T-shirt.

(Have some names of your own that I didn't think of, send me a comment or an email and let me know. I'll be glad to add them to the list.)


hannah said...

this site is halerious i knwo some girl who thinks shes rocky i fucked her and she started crying haha she is ginormous fucking hell yoou know when shes coming i can tell ya that but lovin the site

Anonymous said...

what the fuck is wrong with you? thats just creepy as shit.

Anonymous said...

Gelatinous is a good one

Anonymous said...

haha your missing "Vanilla tits"

Anonymous said...

This stuff is all in good humor i believe. I would only call my friends fat who aren't fat, or at least weighed less than I do. That being said, I would like to add that foods that fat people love are good choices. Such as Staypuff (marshmallows). Krispy Creme.

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Anonymous said...

how about tub hole and fatchop???

Anonymous said...

I always like "lunchbox" and "landfill"

Anonymous said...

How about, giganto, super fats, fat back, hog jaw,the epicenter,earthquake maker.