I am tired of being obsessed with food and my weight. The oppression, the perseveration of thought is overwhelming. I am always thinking about what I’ve eaten, what I’m eating, or more often than not, what I am going to eat.
Focusing on losing weight does not address the issue at all. It simply moves the obsession from one thing (eating) to something else (not eating). The constant barrage of food is still there. The scale, that godforsaken piece of plastic, is nothing more than another reminder of food, triggering one to not eat, or is some circumstances triggering a frustrated response to gorge.
I hate the damn thing and yet that is how we – the doctors, our friends and family, the world, weight loss programs – gauge the fat guys progress. Oh they also use the fabric tape to measure that belly and man boobs, but that is the same thing – just a flatter, more flexible version of the weight scale. We take before and after pictures and measure our success through those skinny goggles.
I’m tired of substituting one obsession for another. I’m tired of thinking about weight all the time. I want to be free of it all. I don’t have to weigh or measure or gauge my success through traditional means. After all, my goal really isn’t to lose weight at all. I am okay in my big skin. It’s my health that I am concerned about. My fat is the standard by which everyone else measures me, but it is not how I measure myself.
I’m done with scales and fabric tapes. I’m done with before-and-after pictures, and with proving that I am successful at weight loss. I don’t really care about losing weight; I care about being healthier and making healthier choices. That’s it. I’ve had it with all this nonsense – the stress caused by losing weight and the devastating and destructive feelings when I gain it back.
The rest of the world can measure my success through my size if they wish. It doesn’t really bother me. That’s how it is when folks wear their skinny goggles. That’s okay. People are supportive and I accept their good vibes however they decide to offer them. But my response will not be the same.
It will probably make some uncomfortable and I may find myself having to explain the idea. I don’t mind that either. People want to learn about things they don’t understand, and if I don’t answer their questions, then I may be helping to further fat discrimination. Can’t do that. So I’ll be patient and just tell them how it works, if they really want to know.
My focus is on my own healthy choices. I am not, like many new religious converts, out to change everyone to my own ideology. Although I do recognize that in order for me to have personal success, then I may need those very close to me to make some changes too. But I’m not out to help other fat people to lose weight, change their lifestyle, or take off their skinny goggles. I’m focused on me and that entails several things, which require a few more rules.
RULE 1: Focus on Healthy Choices
RULE 2: No Sweets in the House
RULE 3: Do Not Accept Groceries from Anyone
RULE 4: Do Not Keep Track of Weight Loss
RULE 5: No More Scales or Fabric Tapes
In order to focus on healthy choices, I need to have an exercise plan, which I do. The best way to make life-changing habits is to form an action plan that makes specific statements that are declarative and positive.
MY GOALS
I will exercise five days a week. (bicycling or walking)
I will practice my martial arts during breaks from school.
I will drink herbal tea every night, which helps my stress.
I will study hard, but B’s are okay.
I will make healthy food choices at home and at restaurants.
I will eat until I am full. (It’s okay to leave food on my plate.)
I still haven’t decided what to do about Thanksgiving (which is now less than a month away) and Christmas (which will sneak up on me and bite me in the hindquarters if I am not careful). It’s time I thought about how to make healthy choices at these horrible, holiday diabetic death traps. I’ll have to give it more thought and talk with my supportive team of family and friends.
Focusing on losing weight does not address the issue at all. It simply moves the obsession from one thing (eating) to something else (not eating). The constant barrage of food is still there. The scale, that godforsaken piece of plastic, is nothing more than another reminder of food, triggering one to not eat, or is some circumstances triggering a frustrated response to gorge.
I hate the damn thing and yet that is how we – the doctors, our friends and family, the world, weight loss programs – gauge the fat guys progress. Oh they also use the fabric tape to measure that belly and man boobs, but that is the same thing – just a flatter, more flexible version of the weight scale. We take before and after pictures and measure our success through those skinny goggles.
I’m tired of substituting one obsession for another. I’m tired of thinking about weight all the time. I want to be free of it all. I don’t have to weigh or measure or gauge my success through traditional means. After all, my goal really isn’t to lose weight at all. I am okay in my big skin. It’s my health that I am concerned about. My fat is the standard by which everyone else measures me, but it is not how I measure myself.
I’m done with scales and fabric tapes. I’m done with before-and-after pictures, and with proving that I am successful at weight loss. I don’t really care about losing weight; I care about being healthier and making healthier choices. That’s it. I’ve had it with all this nonsense – the stress caused by losing weight and the devastating and destructive feelings when I gain it back.
The rest of the world can measure my success through my size if they wish. It doesn’t really bother me. That’s how it is when folks wear their skinny goggles. That’s okay. People are supportive and I accept their good vibes however they decide to offer them. But my response will not be the same.
“Hey, Jack. You’ve lost weight,” say they.
“Oh yeah, maybe.”
“How much have you lost,” they will ask.
“I don’t know; I don’t keep track anymore.”
“You don’t keep track?” they will ask.
“Nah. I don’t think about it anymore. I just try to do my best.”
It will probably make some uncomfortable and I may find myself having to explain the idea. I don’t mind that either. People want to learn about things they don’t understand, and if I don’t answer their questions, then I may be helping to further fat discrimination. Can’t do that. So I’ll be patient and just tell them how it works, if they really want to know.
My focus is on my own healthy choices. I am not, like many new religious converts, out to change everyone to my own ideology. Although I do recognize that in order for me to have personal success, then I may need those very close to me to make some changes too. But I’m not out to help other fat people to lose weight, change their lifestyle, or take off their skinny goggles. I’m focused on me and that entails several things, which require a few more rules.
RULE 1: Focus on Healthy Choices
RULE 2: No Sweets in the House
RULE 3: Do Not Accept Groceries from Anyone
RULE 4: Do Not Keep Track of Weight Loss
RULE 5: No More Scales or Fabric Tapes
In order to focus on healthy choices, I need to have an exercise plan, which I do. The best way to make life-changing habits is to form an action plan that makes specific statements that are declarative and positive.
MY GOALS
I will exercise five days a week. (bicycling or walking)
I will practice my martial arts during breaks from school.
I will drink herbal tea every night, which helps my stress.
I will study hard, but B’s are okay.
I will make healthy food choices at home and at restaurants.
I will eat until I am full. (It’s okay to leave food on my plate.)
I still haven’t decided what to do about Thanksgiving (which is now less than a month away) and Christmas (which will sneak up on me and bite me in the hindquarters if I am not careful). It’s time I thought about how to make healthy choices at these horrible, holiday diabetic death traps. I’ll have to give it more thought and talk with my supportive team of family and friends.
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