An effective home, like an effective classroom, should be a safe, inviting environment. Major decisions should be discussed with everyone and made clear in the beginning. Including all participants in the decision making process allows everyone to take ownership of those decision – ensuring pride and lessoning dissenters.
My wife and I have been talking about new rules in our home such as not keeping sweets around. Culturally that is pretty hard. In Jack culture it’s even worse as my family has strong roots in food and feeding. My Aunt Bessie is quite convinced that refusing to have sweets of all kinds in our home is a direct punishment against our 6-year-old daughter for my having diabetes. I maintain that my daughter would gladly give up cookies in order to keep Daddy alive longer, but I never actually asked her – until last night.
My wife was reading her some Halloween books and when they finished, I sat down and wanted to talk. I told my daughter that sweet treats like cookies and pies and cakes make Daddy sick and Mom and I were thinking about making some rules … that’s about as far as I got. She chimed right in with her own idea:
“I got an idea. How about … a rule that says no more sugar.”
There it is, all laid out on the table. She stated that she’s heard us talk about this, but we have never discussed it with her. Actually I was surprised that she picked up on our conversations, but I shouldn’t be. She has a wonderful command of the English language at her age and she understands a great deal. So I asked her if she was okay with this – that it meant we wouldn’t keep cookies and cake in the house anymore and she didn’t seem to mind. She took pride in the fact that the rule was her idea and we gave her the credit. She offered to help remind family of our rule. This includes Aunt Bessie who tries to sneak snacks to my kiddo when we aren’t looking. A child who takes ownership in the rule will then enforce the rule willingly, at least in most cases.
Now I doubt this will deter Aunt Bessie in any way. She is nothing if not persistent. The more you tell her no, the harder and longer she pushes until she gets an inch. Then she pushes for that mile. It’s just her nature and her brothers and sisters attest that she’s always been turned that way. However, we have a unified front – our own version of nationalism I guess. She was included and made up her own mind and that is important.
This rule is important to our household; it may very well be the most important rule our home puts in place. It’s about my health and longevity, not about deprivation and punishment. My 6-year-old gets it. The elder Aunty, a teacher of 33-years with a Master’s degree doesn’t. How about that?
My wife and I have been talking about new rules in our home such as not keeping sweets around. Culturally that is pretty hard. In Jack culture it’s even worse as my family has strong roots in food and feeding. My Aunt Bessie is quite convinced that refusing to have sweets of all kinds in our home is a direct punishment against our 6-year-old daughter for my having diabetes. I maintain that my daughter would gladly give up cookies in order to keep Daddy alive longer, but I never actually asked her – until last night.
My wife was reading her some Halloween books and when they finished, I sat down and wanted to talk. I told my daughter that sweet treats like cookies and pies and cakes make Daddy sick and Mom and I were thinking about making some rules … that’s about as far as I got. She chimed right in with her own idea:
“I got an idea. How about … a rule that says no more sugar.”
There it is, all laid out on the table. She stated that she’s heard us talk about this, but we have never discussed it with her. Actually I was surprised that she picked up on our conversations, but I shouldn’t be. She has a wonderful command of the English language at her age and she understands a great deal. So I asked her if she was okay with this – that it meant we wouldn’t keep cookies and cake in the house anymore and she didn’t seem to mind. She took pride in the fact that the rule was her idea and we gave her the credit. She offered to help remind family of our rule. This includes Aunt Bessie who tries to sneak snacks to my kiddo when we aren’t looking. A child who takes ownership in the rule will then enforce the rule willingly, at least in most cases.
Now I doubt this will deter Aunt Bessie in any way. She is nothing if not persistent. The more you tell her no, the harder and longer she pushes until she gets an inch. Then she pushes for that mile. It’s just her nature and her brothers and sisters attest that she’s always been turned that way. However, we have a unified front – our own version of nationalism I guess. She was included and made up her own mind and that is important.
This rule is important to our household; it may very well be the most important rule our home puts in place. It’s about my health and longevity, not about deprivation and punishment. My 6-year-old gets it. The elder Aunty, a teacher of 33-years with a Master’s degree doesn’t. How about that?
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