I am a fat man. I make no apologies for that and I harbor no guilt associated with my weight. I have been a big man for the majority of my life. I have felt guilt and shame regarding my fat and frame, but I put those to rest a long time ago. I realized, over a period of years, that my weight is not a thing of which to be ashamed or ignored.
In fact, I would say that I have defined myself, my image of me, in large part through my BIGness. My weight is a characteristic, but my BIGness is soulful and internal. It is that BIGness that defines me. I am BIG.
I am a BIG man with an eating disorder. Regardless of my weight, I am BIG man. I differ from many of those who have eating issues or who have been life long overweight people. So many define themselves, or view themselves, as a skinny person in a fat body. Countless television talk shows have documented people making such statements. They breakdown and cry and know that somewhere – deep down inside – there is a skinny person just waiting to get out.
I, however, embrace my BIGness. It is my weight that I have issues with. Not the fat, mind you. I don’t mind having fat or being fat. What I mind is the effect weight has on my body. It’s a difficult distinction; I know. I also know that many folks will not understand the distinction or they may reject it outright. It’s hard to understand an eating disorder, compulsive eating, or the simultaneous pain and joy that accompany it. It is equally difficult to separate that eating disorder from the person.
I am a BIG man in a fat body. Weight loss does not affect that or change my definition of self. I am not a skinny man inside a fat man’s body. My BIGness is part of my identity. My journey is not to find the skinny person inside. Rather my odyssey is to locate a new frame, a new body, a new outward exterior that will allow me to continue to live healthier and longer, but BIG.
This blog, FAT JACK – SKINNY WHINNY is about my odyssey. I will talk frankly about my weight and my health. I am ready to share my pain, my sorrow, my understanding and my joys regarding eating, weight and the circumstances – external and internal – that have led to a large life.
I will share with my readers many deep and personal stories, feelings, thoughts and family dynamics that are related to my weight. I caution many of my readers that the stories I will share may be deeply personal, painful, funny or disturbing to you. You may not choose to follow along or you may be selective in what you read. My loving family may choose not to read, as I will surely discuss our family dynamics or social structures. I am ready to share my BIG life with many in hopes that I will find what I am looking for and you may come to understand it. But the road may not always be fun.
I hope, through this journey, that I learn more about myself, and find a frame better suited for a long and healthy life. I invite you to join in, if you wish, a voyeur in the world of a fat man.
Be it heartbreaking, hopeful, hysterical, or happy, we will have a BIG time.
In fact, I would say that I have defined myself, my image of me, in large part through my BIGness. My weight is a characteristic, but my BIGness is soulful and internal. It is that BIGness that defines me. I am BIG.
I am a BIG man with an eating disorder. Regardless of my weight, I am BIG man. I differ from many of those who have eating issues or who have been life long overweight people. So many define themselves, or view themselves, as a skinny person in a fat body. Countless television talk shows have documented people making such statements. They breakdown and cry and know that somewhere – deep down inside – there is a skinny person just waiting to get out.
I, however, embrace my BIGness. It is my weight that I have issues with. Not the fat, mind you. I don’t mind having fat or being fat. What I mind is the effect weight has on my body. It’s a difficult distinction; I know. I also know that many folks will not understand the distinction or they may reject it outright. It’s hard to understand an eating disorder, compulsive eating, or the simultaneous pain and joy that accompany it. It is equally difficult to separate that eating disorder from the person.
I am a BIG man in a fat body. Weight loss does not affect that or change my definition of self. I am not a skinny man inside a fat man’s body. My BIGness is part of my identity. My journey is not to find the skinny person inside. Rather my odyssey is to locate a new frame, a new body, a new outward exterior that will allow me to continue to live healthier and longer, but BIG.
This blog, FAT JACK – SKINNY WHINNY is about my odyssey. I will talk frankly about my weight and my health. I am ready to share my pain, my sorrow, my understanding and my joys regarding eating, weight and the circumstances – external and internal – that have led to a large life.
I will share with my readers many deep and personal stories, feelings, thoughts and family dynamics that are related to my weight. I caution many of my readers that the stories I will share may be deeply personal, painful, funny or disturbing to you. You may not choose to follow along or you may be selective in what you read. My loving family may choose not to read, as I will surely discuss our family dynamics or social structures. I am ready to share my BIG life with many in hopes that I will find what I am looking for and you may come to understand it. But the road may not always be fun.
I hope, through this journey, that I learn more about myself, and find a frame better suited for a long and healthy life. I invite you to join in, if you wish, a voyeur in the world of a fat man.
Be it heartbreaking, hopeful, hysterical, or happy, we will have a BIG time.
2 comments:
Chris You will provail my friend I wish you luck in this journey! Just remember when things get rough think of Master Yoda - Do or Do Not There is No Try! Thats what usually helps me Oh and thanks for reading my blog! Talk to you soon! Lenny
Hey Skinny Winnie (I just can't call you Fat Jack). There is a lot of pain in your story but I know how you feel. I have fought my weight since high school.
I am not married yet but sounds like you have family support (will except for Aunt Bessie). I wonder how she will receive your letter.
A friend of mine has had great success with a book "Tapping the Healer Within" by Callahan, for his chronic back pain.
I am going to try it for food obsessions. It sounds crazy but I am despirate and if it works it would be a miracle. You might give it a look.
God bless you in your future.
Post a Comment